A Chance At Happiness
by SpecialAgentZiva
Summary: "I love you, Ziva, you know that, right?" The line still made her breath hitch, for more reasons than one. Knowing that he loved her so meant so much to her, but the fact that she'd heard that same line just over 2 years ago from a different man…
1. Her Own Illusions

**A/N: I have to warn those of you who have, and have not, had any experiences with my writing. This story is going to be a lot like "Jealousy" and partially "Get Out Alive" in many ways; if you have read the stories, you would know that I am not one to give instant Tiva unless it's a one-shot. For those of you with no experience with my writing, I can assure you that there are many good moments, but there are also a lot of times that you will find arguments, hate, and conflict; this is not a story about Tony and Ziva running off to Hawaii and living happily ever after. This is a story that may not even have a happily ever after.**

**I hope that my "warning" hasn't scared you away. This is set 2 years after the end of Season 8, main characters being Tony, Ziva, and an OC. Please enjoy. FYI, I don't own NCIS.**

_Love._

It was a word she'd thought she'd never say, a word she never thought she _could_ say, let alone associate with anyone or anything. Attachment was weakness, and it would only lead to bad things. She'd learned that through years of Mossad, only to have the visions cracked in the US. Still, she had never used the word _love,_ not even in association with her team. Though she did love them for the friends they were, the word itself promised much greater attachment. And after all she'd been through, she wasn't sure that it would ever be possible for her to speak the word.

_I love you._

So much different, yet the same. Another thing she'd never pictured herself speaking or relating to. Love was not part of her life… and how could it be? How could any love someone like her, and how could she loan so much trust as to love someone back?

But… that had been before. Before she'd left, before she'd cried, before she'd felt more alone than ever. It had been two years since she'd last set foot on US soil, and she'd only barely had contact with the team since. She'd only seen Abby in person, once, and Tony had never contacted her. He had been moved to his own team in a place he'd only described as "classified," and she'd been moved as a liaison to a small Navy base in Britain. They'd said that her investigative skills would "help" her here; and they'd been right.

For two years she'd played the politics, played the games of the sailors, yet it was never the same. The country was different, and although she loved it, sometimes it made her feel more lost than ever. The United Stated that had been her home was so different, so perfect, and this place… it confused her. It had taken her almost a year to adapt, when she'd barely needed a week in the past.

Some might have claimed her life took a turn for the worst from her move to Britain. She'd claimed differently, swearing that "every cloud had silver lining" - an idiom she'd learned through Tony - and in that, she was quite right. At least for now… her life was simple, almost perfect. It was all too bad that things were never perfect for her.

* * *

Dawn was barely breaking, dim rays of sunlight barely lighting the sky, but it was enough to see. Quiet as she could be, Ziva David slowly slid out of bed, making sure to replace the covers exactly the way they had been before. She almost regretted leaving the bed, for the sleeping man's embrace had been perfect, warm and comforting. He looked… so alone, she thought, but she needed her daily runs.

She allowed a small sigh as she slipped out of her night clothing and switched into her jogging outfit. The black, tight clothing felt cool to the touch. With only a slight regretful glance backward, she left the room, stopping only in the kitchen to drink a glass of water before leaving. But as she stopped, she instantly realized her mistake, for she felt a pair of arms close around her waist and pull her backwards.

Smiling, she allowed this, settling in the man's arms. He blinked at her, blue eyes big and tired, but a smile had set on his features as well. She turned in his arms to grant him a light kiss and he only smiled broader. "Now, Ziva, did you really think that you would go jogging without _me?_"

"You looked tired…" she started to explain, but was cut off as he leaned in to kiss her again. He pulled away from her after a few moments, squeezing her carefully before letting go completely.

"Wait for me, I'll get dressed," he offered, and before she could answer, he'd vanished into their bedroom. The man reappeared a moment later, dressed in just a pair of black shorts. She would have laughed at his sudden decision to go without a shirt if she wasn't so used to it; their routine had been set by now. She knew his routines as well as he knew hers, and they worked in sync this way. The few times that she attempted to leave for a jog without him, he'd be up, right on schedule, and right behind her.

"Alright, I'm ready. Let's go." They exited the small apartment complex quickly, only to have him stop suddenly and turn to her. "Wait, don't I get a kiss for good luck?"

She laughed. "You get enough kisses, but I suppose that I can give you one." Ziva turned and complied with his request, giving him a featherlight kiss before she pivoted on her heel and sprinted off. She was far ahead of him before he realized what had happened, and the yell of surprise behind her when he finally _did_ realize only made her smile more. It didn't take long for him to catch up, and when he did, he reached instantly for her hand.

It must have looked strange, she decided, the two of them running hand-in-hand. Besides the awkward way of running with only one arm pumping while the other was swinging between them, there was the obvious factor of how strange they looked together. She was slim, her muscles obvious though not overly large, all accompanied by her smaller frame and wild brown hair. He was tall, heavy-set with muscles to outmatch her own, and tanned ever-so-perfectly. All of this was accompanied by short blonde hair and the bright blue eyes she'd swear were just as innocent as a child's.

Their route, for the most part, was normal. They ran quietly down the sidewalks and through the parks of the area. At least - all seemed normal. But when something flashed in her vision, it was almost impossible not to stop and stare. Recognition hit her so hard that she almost fell, her breath catching in her throat. No… it couldn't be. But those green eyes! She's seen them for only a moment before they'd vanished… it had to be an illusion.

Beside her, her companion skidded to a halt. His face was of pure concern, his hand instantly reaching for her arm. "Hey, Zi, are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"I… thought I saw something, that is all," she replied, her voice barely audible. It hadn't been a something she'd seen, but a someone, and that person she hadn't seen for two years. Old feelings hit her hard but she pushed them away, drawing a deep breath before she looked up at the man.

"I am sorry, I didn't mean to do that. We can continue if you want," she declared, but his look still didn't fade. With a sigh, she stood up and looked around. "For a second I thought I saw someone that used to mean so much to me. But it was an illusion. We cut off communication before I even met you…"

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. The man kissed her cheek lovingly with a small smile playing on his face. "Don't worry, love, it'll be alright."

Ziva breathed in his scent, wanting nothing more than to believe him. But if that hadn't been an illusion… to see him again, it would be almost dangerous. There had been so many things that had happened, so many painful things. She couldn't imagine the explanation, and the anger. Could they even explain?

"I love you, Ziva, you know that, right?"

The line still made her breath hitch, for more reasons than one. Knowing that he loved her so meant so much to her, but the fact that she'd heard that same line just over 2 years ago from a different man… it was almost too much. _But he doesn't know,_ she thought guiltily.

"I know, Jacob, I love you as well."

_Love._

Such a hard word for her to say before, but impossibly easy now.

Even so, the word brought back so many memories, and now all she wanted was to finish the run and have time to be alone with her own thoughts. Thoughts that she knew would be ridden with his name, and thoughts that would bring back so many memories…

And at that very moment, Ziva David realized she was scared. Of her own thoughts, her own illusions, and what they could do to her life.

**A/N: Okay, not the most amazing ending. But hey, it's basically an introduction. c: Yes, you will see Tony soon.**


	2. Guests

**A/N: This chapter isn't quite so long. Oops. What can I say? I like to end things on an interesting note, so the chapters can be longer/shorter depending on how I want to end it. c; And for those of you going "Wait, what? What happened with Tony and Ziva?" you shall find out throughout the chapters, through Ziva's memory and conversations. ;) Enjoy.**

**I don't own NCIS.**

_"I love you, Ziva. You know that, right?"_

_In his arms, she only nodded in reply and snuggled closer to him, her warm breath on his skin. It was a cool night, but she hadn't noticed. The only thing that mattered now was that he loved her, and, she loved him, though she couldn't bring herself to say it quite yet. There had been too much in her past stopping her… but he was okay with that, she'd thought. He'd say the 'I love you's and she'd say nothing, yet he'd understand._

Ziva smiled at the memory, her eyes on the wall. Jacob had left an hour ago, and she was alone now, free to spend her time however she wished - unless, of course, her boss called with a new investigation or lead to follow. This left her alone with her own thoughts, and as much as it scared her earlier, she'd found herself remembering the good things and pointedly ignoring the bad parts of the before. Before… Jacob, before Britain, before everything.

The final month, when they'd stopped resisting and gave in, when everything had been perfect. And then Vance had found out and his anger was double Gibbs's. It hardly helped that McGee had been injured by a gunshot, and the Director seemed only to have blood in his eyes when he'd reassigned them. He'd begged her to stay, promised he'd quit, but she knew better. She'd let him go.

_"Ziva, please, stay. We'll find a new job. Even being a local LEO is good with me."_

_She looked at his brilliant green eyes for only a second, and regretted it instantly. Her gaze switched to the floor. The pain in his eyes was almost unbearable… after all that they'd been through - the years as partners, the injuries, the love, and the fights, there would be nothing left to show for it. And though she was far from being "okay" with what was happening, she knew better than to question. She'd have to stay strong and hope that he wouldn't cry, wouldn't break down._

_She knew that she couldn't stand it if he did._

Her cellphone buzzed angrily in her pocket, forcing her out of her memories, but Ziva was glad for it. Their parting had been all too much for her. Even a year after she'd found herself flipping through her old phone's contacts, staring at his name, and his picture, though she'd never pressed call. There'd been no point. They'd been issued new cellphones, new phone numbers.

"Hello? Ziva David speaking," she declared. It didn't take long for her to realize that the caller was hardly baring good news, for there was a pause and an intake of breath. Slightly annoyed, she rolled her eyes and waited patiently.

"Ziva, we need you in the office, ASAP," came the voice of her boss, his words quick and accent clear. "We have a bit of a… situation, you might say. A US Marine was found dead this morning. Apparently he was part of an operation, because we've got guests."

Confused now, she scrambled to her feet and was out the door quickly, too many possibilities running through her head at once. As far as she knew, McGee was completely out of the Agency because of his wounds, Gibbs had perhaps retired, and Tony… well, she didn't know. But what were the possibilities that it could be one of them? "Guests…?"

No answer. Her boss simply ended the call, and she rolled her eyes. This man was like a younger version of Gibbs. They were enough alike that she'd once thought Gibbs had trained the man sometime in his life. But, as far as she knew, Gibbs never let his team members go unless he had to. And Britain? He'd never been there, had he?

Ziva weaved through traffic, reaching the small building that housed her agency in simple minutes. She propelled herself into the office faster than normal, eyes on everything and nothing in particular. If there was even a chance that the 'guests' were people she knew… it would be like old times, wouldn't it?

She was paying so little attention to her surroundings that she walked into something _heavy._ With a grunt, she fell to the floor, and the object - person? - did as well. Ziva quickly stood once more, turning to apologize, when she stopped. Her eyes met his, and after a few heartbeats of silence, she turned on her heel and vanished.

This couldn't be happening.


	3. Who Was He To You?

**A/N: Look, another chapter! And one that is filled with... chapterness. I don't know. I just felt like writing today. Maybe that's what getting new books does to me. Or maybe it's because it's National Novel Writing Month somewhere. I think that's the US though, not here. Or I could be wrong. We might have National Novel Writing Month in Canada. I should look that up.**

**Enjoy, but I don't own anything.**

She was gripping the counter far too hard, knuckles white and tension evident. Her teeth were locked as anger and confusion freely flowed through her veins. What right did _he_ have to be here? Investigation or otherwise, this was her territory, her country - her home. In no way did it belong to him, and she didn't want him to have any part of it. She knew what destruction his arrival could cause… and she couldn't let that happen, even if it meant destroying everything between them, ridding the world of their friendship and any other bond that had been slowly dwindling away.

"Get a grip on yourself," she whispered, raising her eyes to the mirror. What was she doing? It was likely that her boss would be mad. In fact, he'd probably be furious at her for leaving so unprofessionally. He knew nothing of this man besides the basics, and yet he knew his own agent so well. Well enough to be sure that she kept her composure no matter the situation - until now.

"You have to go out there and face him," she stared at herself but did not move, locked in her position by fear and anger. "This situation won't get better if you stay here. Only worse."

Ziva drew a slow, deep breath before she began to move. First her arms released their death grip, then her torso began to turn. It was infinitely slower and far stranger than ever before - the simple act of moving. She squeezed her eyes shut and allowed a moment of hesitation before reaching for the door handle and exiting the small room. There was work to do. People to talk to, things to sort out. _And then there's him…_

Almost immediately, she came face-to-face with her boss, whose face told her everything. She'd messed up, and badly. His face demanded answers, and she knew she'd have to comply but had no desire to. Nevertheless, she backed up into the nearest corner to talk to them. It was the best privacy they ever seemed to have around the small building.

"_What_ was that, David?" he demanded. She could hear concern behind his voice but chose not to point it out. He was like Gibbs in this way (and many others). Behind his hardened demeanour, he cared most for his agents and their safety. The age difference meant absolutely nothing between the ways of the two men.

"His name is Anthony DiNozzo," she replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Anger flickered in her boss's mind and she decided to change her train of thought. "I know him… from before."

"Before?"

"Before I was reassigned as an American liaison to Britain."

"Who was he to you?"

"My partner." _And for a short time, my lover._

"Then why the negative response to seeing him again, David? Was there something on the side?"

Damn him and how perceptive he could be. "No," she replied, too quickly, and she could see him connecting the real nature of her former relationship with him. "We parted on bad terms is all. He wanted me to stay, I was unable to. I have since moved on. My reaction was unprofessional. It won't happen again."

"See that it doesn't. Now, we can't keep them waiting. Come on," a small smile was present on his face as he said this, happy that the matter was somewhat resolved. He beckoned towards her and she followed him quickly through the small building. It barely took a minute to arrive at their small office (she'd stopped referring to such things as "squadrooms" because it brought up too many memories she'd wanted to forget), yet it took only seconds for her heart to stop again.

He was there. Staring at her. But there was no smile on his face, no spark in his green eyes, nothing that made him distinctly _Tony._ She could see her own feelings reflected in him, though he obviously had a better handle on those feelings. He soon switched his gaze to her boss, not even bothering to acknowledge her with his words. "Sir, we're here about the Petty Officer. We'll need him shipped to my ME."

"Can't be done," replied the other man. "Our soil, our investigation. Was he of some importance to you?"

"_Yes. _We gave you some details earlier."

"Not enough for us to _give_ you a body that is clearly in our jurisdiction. I'll need more than what you've given me to do anything for you."

He gritted his teeth, narrowing his eyes. "Look, the details are classified-"

"I have high clearance."

"_Very _classified."

"High clearance, remember?"

"I'd need permission from SecNav to even give you anymore information than you've got-"

"Which is no information. We aren't releasing the body to you without reason. This man's death is in our jurisdiction and we're keeping the body unless you have reason for us to do otherwise."

Ziva stared between them, beginning to get exasperated. Obviously the man she knew had changed, and was quite ready to argue with her own superior. She ran a hand through her hair before speaking up. "Just give us the details! Or do a joint investigation! Unless you can give us details, you have no right to be here."

_And you have no right to be here otherwise,_ she thought. _Not now. Not anymore._

The man instantly turned towards her, his eyes blazing in anger again.

"You never changed, did you, Ziva? Well, things are far more important than _you_ and your _new team_ think."


	4. He Could Hate Her

**A/N: Well. It's been a while since you've all seen me. ;) And I have a new chapter for you. Yay! Please enjoy this. :) I don't own NCIS!**

_"You never changed, did you, Ziva? Well, things are far more important than you and your new team think."_

The words struck her with such force that she was in shock for a moment, unable to speak. He'd obviously not been impressed by her reaction earlier, she realized guiltily. No more impressed than he had been when she'd left. But surely… surely he did not hold such a grudge for her, did he? But then again…

"Agent DiNozzo," her boss barked, and she was somewhat pleased that he had come to her rescue. If her boss had remained quiet, she couldn't imagine to what lengths the anger would have gone. "Agent DiNozzo, you do not come here to insult my agents and demand a body without reason. The body will stay with OUR M.E. unless you can get a valid reason otherwise. Until then, stay out of the way of my agents. I do not need to be scraping you off the walls; you should already know what Agent David is capable of."

Tony glowered in reply, but said nothing. He didn't even nod in acknowledgement, only stared at her, as if he couldn't hear a word the other man was speaking. But of course he could, she thought, he'd done this for years. With Gibbs…

"Agent DiNozzo! Do you understand me?"

"What? Oh… yes, sir. My apologies to Miss David," he spat the apology, draining any trace of meaning from the words. He was no longer looking at her, rather around the office, and she took the opportunity to retreat to her desk, shooting her boss a thankful look on the way by. By the small smile, appearing and vanishing too quickly for Tony to catch, her boss knew all too well what he'd just saved her from.

The rest of the day, she spent staring at her computer screen, her fingers flying over the keyboard. Not once did she allow herself to look much farther than the squad room, for fear that she'd see him. She'd even skipped her lunch break, not wanting to run into Tony on the way out. Jacob would probably notice, she thought guiltily. More often than not, they'd spend most of their lunch hours talking, over cellphone or computer, or - more rarely but much more welcome - face-to-face. 'I'll explain later,' she told herself, but her heart told her otherwise.

Ziva found herself in luck for the day, as it seemed, because she did not see Tony, and Jacob did not call her, worried that she'd forgotten him. Rather, she spent as much time as she could doing endless nothings. But as the sun set over Britain, she knew she'd have to go home soon. She'd have to brave maybe seeing him. The woman shook her head, forcing the anxiety out of her mind. It wouldn't be that bad. A man who had loved her so much - that she had loved so much - could not hate her, could he?

Yes he could. She knew him too well. He could hate her more than the murderers they strove to catch, more than Kate's killer, more than anything. And she'd have to live with it, because she let him go…

Her hand froze on the black backpack she'd been reaching for, and she shut her eyes, trying to will away the rest of her feelings, trying to make them nothing but a bad memory. When it didn't work, she opened her eyes and spun around again, surprised at what she saw.

The brilliant green eyes. The dark brown hair. The million-dollar smile. All staring at her, though the smile itself vanished in seconds. She backed up until her back pressed against the cool metal of the filing cabinets, and she only stood, watching him. He, in turn, approached her slowly, hesitantly. Fear coursed through her heart, mixed with something else. Anticipation…?

"Ziva," he whispered, reaching for her, his hands brushing her sides. "I'm sorry about earlier… so damn sorry… but… I can't take it without you…"

His eyes say he is speaking the truth, but she cannot take it. Even as he reaches to pull her into his arms, she rips herself from his grip, forcing away all feelings but resentment. And she only stops to see the shock register in his eyes, quickly replaced by anger. This time she has surely crushed him. This time he will not try anything else.

But… why does she feel so horrible?


	5. The Only Family I've Ever Had

**A/N: Ack! I dare say it's a bit sad that some of you have forgotten why Ziva's in Britain. But it's all explained in the chapters before this. Really, it's my fault for not updating often. I appreciate all reviews anyway, guys. Please enjoy this chapter.**

"Ziva, is something wrong? Are you alright?"

For the past hour, she'd been sitting in darkness and silence, staring at the plain white walls of her living room. It hadn't even occurred to her that Jacob would be home as well. The events of the day were far too stressful for her to care much, though. Her mind kept insistently replaying everything in her head - walking into Tony, the angry words exchanged, and the hurt in his eyes when she'd pulled away from him.

He never would understand, would he? She had almost been shaking with desperation and anger when she'd left the office but by the time she'd arrived home her hands were steady. Years of training to allow herself to suppress emotions - somewhat. At the moment, she wasn't doing well at that. But damn, she couldn't get those eyes out of her head, nor the intense guilt.

"He shouldn't have showed up," she whispered, brown eyes raising to meet Jacob's. The blonde-haired man looked confused for a second, and she did detect a flash of anger (did he really believe she'd cheat on him?) across his face, but the second emotion was gone in a moment. Instead, he sat down beside her on the couch, threading one of her delicate fingers with his thicker ones.

"What's wrong, Zee? You know you can tell me, right?" She almost flinched away from the nickname. It screamed 'Tony' - after all, he'd been the first to call her that - and it felt completely wrong hearing it come from Jacob's lips. Ziva forced herself to keep her mind on the man beside her and not the one that had recently (and very haphazardly) reentered her life. She could share the issues of the day without making everything about Tony.

"I… Someone I knew came back today," she muttered. He stared oddly at her, silently urging her to continue but she couldn't make any words come out. How did one voice to their lover that one of their former lovers was back? How did one voice their concern without making it sound like they were glad? Because… because she was far from it. The world would be a better place if Tony hadn't shown up at all.

"One of the people you knew from NCIS?" Jacob smiled softly. "I've wanted to meet them, you talk so fondly about most of them… Is it Abby?"

"No, not Abby," her downcast face erased the smile from his immediately. "It's… it's one of the ones I didn't mention often. My partner, actually. We parted on bad terms."

She was still mumbling. Jacob frowned a bit and pulled her into his arms, turning her slightly so that her head rested on his chest. She breathed a small sigh, settling into the comfortable position. Some of the tension of the day melted away now that she was safe in his arms, far away from Tony and the office and everything else that seeing him meant.

"If it's your partner, what's wrong?" Jacob squeezed her gently, laying his head on hers. "I know you and your partner right now… I can't remember his name, but you know, whatshisname… You were close. I thought partners are supposed to be close."

"We were," she confirmed, nodding slowly. "But we didn't stay that way. He and I were close friends for many years… we constantly put our lives on the line for each other and… well, him and I and the rest of the team, we were a family. But the Director reassigned us. And that family broke apart."

Ziva accidentally let out a small sob and looked absolutely shocked at herself. She hadn't ever shared the closeness of her team or how much the parting had hurt. Talking about this was bringing the feelings back to the surface. The desperation, depression, abandonment. And then the struggle to let go of the emotions and people attached to them. If she thought about it (and she did, frequently), she'd loved every single member of her team for a good reason. Britain's team had been well-suited for her, but they would never serve as a replacement.

She recovered as quickly as she could, glad her face was hidden by her hair and his chest. Then again, it would be nice to see his emotions. If he got jealous over Tony… well, she didn't want to have to go over it all again. She didn't want to tell him the exact state of their old relationship in comparison to this one. Tiptoeing around the times they'd been close would take some skill.

"His name was Anthony. Well, Tony, actually. He and I had a sort of rocky partner relationship at first. His… his first partner was killed by my brother." She fought to keep her voice monotone - she'd long since accepted that Ari was far from the idol she'd imagined he was. There was no need for Jacob to believe she was getting emotional over her brother. "We got close over time, but not on purpose. It's funny, really, we didn't want much to do with each other at first. He wanted Kate back and I just wanted somewhere to settle down. Those two wishes didn't fit well together.

But it happened anyway and we got to be close friends," she was proud of keeping her voice steady here, giving no inclination of how 'close' they'd really been. "The Director split us up once. It was terrible, but we survived - it was only a few months," she pointedly neglected to mention Somalia. Jacob knew of her scars but she'd refused to go into detail on them. "And a few years later… he did it again. But Gibbs couldn't get us back together again."

She bit her lip, pulling herself away from Jacob's chest to look into his eyes. She was surprised at how steady her own voice had become despite how hard it was to explain everything. She breathed in deep, eyes never leaving his face.

"He tore apart the only family I'd ever had, Jacob. Tony and I parted on bad terms. I haven't had contact with most of them in years. Except Abby, but you can't say no to her," she gave a small, shaky chuckle. "I was completely alone when I came here. And then…

And then I met you."


End file.
